Follow the One

Have you struggled like so? When enough was too much and too much not enough? When this said don't and that said go for it? The places you reached were not there yet and the places you still had to reach had long been gone. You put it in your mouth but there was nothing to chew on, and you kept chewing and chewing and chewing but there was nothing but bile in your throat and polluted air seeping silently into your lungs. Have you ever felt like running with the wind in your hair, everything passing you by, but when you look down at your feet your knees refuse to budge and your back is paralysed. When your arms were picking up the weight of the world but when you looked down at your hands they were blue and white, empty and cold. Do your veins play hide and seek with the eyes or does the needle easily pass through? Does the air feel too thin to breathe or is it too heavy that you feel suffocated? The hair on your head stands sometimes while you wish it stroked your back like silk, and hers lay in a tangled silky knotted mess when she tried to curl it up into curls that you thought were a mess. Was that the sound of someone casually walking into your heart or was that the door you had banged shut, being rattled and torn by all those you refused to let in; why do they cause you such stress, what is it that puts you under such inexplicable duress? The eyes keep looking at beauty while beauty its own tale keeps spinning on. It pays a visit to their doorstep, goes into all houses and surrenders itself to the horizons and valley of the world, but every time it hears you seek it in yourself it leaves the mirror blank and the heart distressed. Do you like the colour of all things around you? Do they tell you of wonders galore? Your ears listen to everyone speak but no one can hear the thud of voices that tingle and tangle within your minds silent screams. The mouth refuses to move and the tongue remains chained. The mouth begins to speak but the voice cannot exclaim. So follow the words of The One. Leave behind all else, and everyone. Many moons have risen and fallen all at the command of The One. Your sun and shade too will one day at His direction come; insha'Allah - Ameen.




* Inspired by Follow the Sun, by Caroline Pennel, from the movie To the Bone

Tawakkul

The Wait...

Agnes Obel - Just So : Lyrics

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Enticed by a glimmering hope you rise, out of the slumber you had been existing in, awoken to dreams anew. You dared, you waited, you fumbled, and you stood still while reality dawned. Crestfallen, you raised your eyes to the sky, you cried your heart out to He Who designs all things, you found solace in the peace His remembrance gave your heart, and you calmed down.

Peace… some peace had embraced your heart, soothed your mind, wiped away your tears, and promised you to wait some more before starting to dream again. There was still a lot that needed to be washed off and cleaned before those dreams could become a reality…

Perhaps.

La Hawla Wala Quwwata Illa Billah…
La Hawla Wala Quwwata Illa Billah…
La Hawla Wala Quwwata Illa Billah…

*La Hawla Wala Quwwata Illa Billah - There is no might nor power except the One God.

Indeed My Lord Is With Me, He Will Guide Me

Just Like That...

Laylatul Qadr

When it rains like so,

Then may it indeed,

Go all out and pour...

~ Ameen!

Safia

She walks in beauty; in sheer elegance, whispered poignance,

In utter command, her emotions in check,

The smile on her face, her glistening eyes;

surely they hold back so much more than a heart can imagine,

those lips that upwards turn, sporting mirth;

surely they hold back dialogue 

that perhaps the heart solemnly withholds,

She truly inspires with her reminiscent attire;

that bun, that beautiful simple chain, and ever so light make up,

it show cased her beauty - inside out,

her very gesture as she showed up to attend

and share in the happiness of her hosts, 

despite her own immense riveting loss -

Oh so much strength! Oh so perfectly cultured! (masha'Allah)

Surely they must be proud while they rest before the Yawn Al Qiyamah? (insha'Allah)

For they have indeed raised a beautiful daughter! (masha'Allah)

May Allah swt bless her with the best of emaan and health

as she takes care of her family; her siblings, her all...

May they all live the best that this duniya has to offer,

and get the ultimate best in the Hereafter too...

~ Ameen. 

*Safia \s(a)-

fia\ as a girl's name is a variant of Safiyah (Arabic, Hindi, Swahili), and the meaning of Safia is "friend; pure".

The Problem...

The problem with most of us as we grow older, is that we truly believe we are the ones who will change a person whom others have failed to change. We believe this deep in our hearts, and firmly resolve to get to it; changing the person/people. This can be seen in a picture where the woman believes ‘she’ will be the one to change the man (who all this while has refused to budge in his ways, many before her have similarly tried, lost, and walked out of the picture). The same goes for children with their parents. What’s even more striking is that when I personally think about this latter situation - I remember going through all the hopes and aspirations of bringing about a change in my house, its people - which my siblings (a decade and more my junior), now aspire to do so too. Perhaps my intentions came later, age wise, than do theirs – but the fact remains that I have tread the path that they are on, but sadly they will refuse to learn through my experiences because they insist on travelling the roads themselves. This is sad because most of us will insist on travelling the road ourselves, no matter the amount of advice that exists out there to help steer us away from expected failure.

I’ve noticed the pattern. I was once that age too. I believed in things being a certain way. I believed in home being a certain way, parents being a certain way, but then… life happened. How?

I tried.

I failed.

I tried again.

I failed again…

And this went on for some time, until some years into this repetitive dysfunctional twist, a mist of sorts began to clear. I realized, after all these trials and errors, that home was where the heart was… I realized that it wasn’t just an adage, but reality. It was simply inexplicable – it had to be tried. I resented the place I wanted to change, I resented the people who refused to change (in their ways, their mindsets) stubbornly unrelenting – and so I imagined a home elsewhere.

Where?

Away from here is all I knew then. But every time I ventured into an ‘away’, I was sorely lost, and wishing to return home. To the very place where the heart would not be at rest.

I guess that is the problem. The heart. It is fickle and easily swerved. It is quite easily tempered by the whims and fancies that the Shaytan and the Shaya’ateen scatter around it. It latches on quite easily, not letting go unless really worked upon from the inside. But for us to be successful in warding it off from the inside, we have to remain firm in our belief that all that is happening is just as it was meant to be, and in it being so, there is good. I must let go of everything else and just try and seek that good; attempt to understand it, and accept it whole heartedly. And despite finding ourselves having found that belief, we remain susceptible to losing it every now and then. We cave in to the misery that wishes to surface, and bemoan our current stand point; forgetting that this very now is where we are supposed to be, meant to be standing in. It is how we find a way out of it, without the resentment, that remains a Herculian task that has not yet been mastered. And so we find ourselves setting off to try and change those around us, in hopes of finding solace and peace with their change. But the solace and peace, in my opinion now, does not come from a change in those around us. I think it comes from changing our own perspective on things, and by being in control of how we respond to the unrelenting forces around us. And through it all, we need to be stronger and firmer in our faith. Insha’Allah, things will fall into place and He shall say Be; and it shall.

~ May He (swt) make this journey easy for us all, may He provide us with the right companion (as He did to Moses (AS)), may He keep us staunch in our faith always, may He forever guide us, show us the Light, keep us under His shade, forgive us our blights, slights, and pick us up to take us through all our falls, rendering us to be ever stronger, ever firmer in our path to Him and His Promises… Ameen!

Raindrops

Jaded

This post has been inspired by the song, I don't feel it anymore - by William Fitzsimmons...

william fitzsimmons i dont feel it anymore mp3 | lyrics

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I don't feel it anymore. Much of anything mostly offlate. It was all taken away? I lost it on the way? It's not here, where it matters anymore - and that's what matters. I don't feel it anymore; the care, the worry, the need - I don't see it anymore. Anything. Much of everything - it's all just flitting on by. 20 years and then, 10. Come and gone. I was young once. No more; I certainly don't feel it anymore. No reason to make me try, want to just more than get on by. Nothing to spur me on, better myself... For myself it is this way or that - who cares? Not I, I don't see much of anything anymore. I used to feel once, but it's certainly not so now, no more do I, for you've all taken it all away. The little glimmers of possibility that take life in my heart are put off like a candle just lit but drenched by rain. The down pour has become infertile. No more do the tears release the pain. It locks itself in and seems too afraid to breathe even. I've hurt for quite some time now, and I don't think all that time will ever be returned. To hope for a happiness in anything certain, seems not to be happening; it is to be taken away, just like all things else here, in this now and in this today. Leave it all, I wish for, to remove myself from everything and find peace in not feeling anything anymore. I'm fine. I don't need to feel or see any of it - any way.

Every time there remains a longing. I realise, I had fooled myself, but now time is up again - must come back to reality. Reality is the mother of all things hollow, painful, resounding those two traits over and over in order to achieve a complete cycle of pain and it's many myriads. You're still typing the angst out of an empty vessel, that wishes to bemoan a thousand and one things, but is lost with words not enough - perhaps words precise - to narrate itself. This is a longing pining to be filled. This is a pang longing to be fulfilled. This is an anguish hardly unleashed, barely assuaged of what it wishes to achieve. Buries itself in prayer and meditation; Dhikr. Ups and downs, to's and fro's. Redundant rebounds, absolute - paramount; Alas bare and vagabond. I confirm to nothing. Not I, nor my being. I only submit to the Will of the One, and His spin wishes me to swirl some more reels of lessons down pat, before I can breathe my last. With in these spins I have to find my smile, and mean it. With in these spins I have to unwind. The doubtful possible will be made possible - and on that note I shall end this diatribe, a rant even. 

I don't need to feel anything else, anymore - You, they, Hey, go on - take it all away, for I don't feel it anymore. The wait on for eternity will keep me going, nothing else from any of you do I need to feel something, only for it to go again. It did before, and it will - that is the only certainty. So just leave me with my thoughts, jaded as they and I together may seem. I don't need to feel anything, anymore. I will wait for that certainty, I will wait, certainly - I will wait forever more...

         

The Holy Quran Or Just Parts Of It?

The verses below have been inspired by the point that Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan makes at 20:26 in his lecture called, One And Why [part 3/4], while he speaks of the problems that exist in our faith today. He is trying to make us ask ourselves whether we are supposed to serve Allah (swt), or is His Book supposed to serve us? An excerpt from his lecture:

''When gratitude dies, faith goes with it. When the sense of gratitude dies, faith goes with it. The indulgence that we've created for ourselves is killing our sense of gratitude... and when it's killing our sense of gratitude, there is no doubt, there is no surprise that we are having a crisis of faith... that we are having a hard time believing.''

Seldom, if at all, have you picked it up for it's message,
Selectively as you pick and choose to make a routine of it,
Innate goodness it bears, thus that you will reap good from it as you recite,
But what of it's very purpose, the message that remains untouched?
Dusty and clumpy become the leaves un-turned,
Longing for you to let them air out and share with you their beauty,
But focused too selfishly are you, to only reap rewards that your dunya demands today,
Forgotten is the promised good that lies buried in this historic revelation,
To understand it, as it guides you to your every day life; you remain oblivious,
You wish only to pick and choose when the needs of duniya beckon,
Based on mystic reasons that have gone six feet under, with those who first shared them,
For The Book itself beseeches to be read and lived by in full,
It asks of you to make time to understand what it holds with in it,
It's message designed to work for you; yesterday, today, and tomorrow,
Look with in and find your purpose now, before your breath tomorrow slackens,
And your dunyas' promises suddenly become weak in comparison to the real abode,
An abode which those who've awakened, have begun pining and working towards,
Firmly set are their Eyes on the Prize - as Shahraiz Tabassam puts it, 
Based on the verses of Surah Ya-sin:
*''It will be no more than a single Blast, 
when lo! they will all be brought up before Us! 
Then, on that Day, not a soul will be wronged in the least, 
and ye shall but be repaid the meeds of your past Deeds. 
Verily the Companions of the Garden shall that Day have joy in all that they do; 
They and their associates will be in groves of (cool) shade, 
reclining on Thrones (of dignity); 
(Every) fruit (enjoyment) will be there for them; 
they shall have whatever they call for;
"Peace!" - a word (of salutation) from a Lord Most Merciful!''*
And so, those awakened from the stupor of this duniya have thus begun pining, 
Aspiring to one day stand before Him; The All Knowing, The All Magnificent, 
Trying to rush with their eyes transfixed on that prize,
To repent all and purify themselves; ready and deserving of His promised shared Grace.

Khair Insha'Allah - May we all find ourselves; read and understand the message of our Maker through His Beautiful Book, the Holy Quran. May we not pick it up only to read selective verses from it for our worldly gains. Rather, may we try to read it cover to cover, abide by the life that it speaks of, and become the deserving people that it promises Jannah Al Firdaws to; Ameen.

* Chapter 36, Verses 53-58; The Holy Quran

My Every Other Sisters' Paradise

Cold Play: Paradise (lyrics)

(The verses below have been instantly inspired by the song above, and dedicated to all the sisters out there...)

Their dreams left on hold; immortalised 

My every other sister 

Living this life; part paralysed... 

As a child, seeing with eyes opened wide 

My every other sister 

Looking at life now; partly desensitised... 

Walking around with hopes to one day sour out; fly high 

My every other sister 

Gets back up; by yet another fall, temporarily mortified... 

Listening, doing; all as she is expected to do 

My every other sister 

Existing for their sake; has been skillfully mollified... 

Making the best of today; her gift of life 

My every other sister 

In her sleep goes to take a much needed bite of paradise...

Sabra and Shatila

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjU_Sj8_5KE

The last sips of my chai I took, when I clicked upon the above link to unveil to my eyes, rather my ears - that which I did not wish to see. How does one see with their ears? One see's when the words heard tell of a story real. Pictures take shape in your mind's eyes, and an image crushed comes back to life. Blood becomes real, their cries become loud, their voices can be heard and so much imagined, remains no more - imagined that is.

Many a times I have been there, as have you. So many times I have refused to allow my eyes and ears from living their screams and realities. So many times I have succeeded, but every time that I have not, is when I have perhaps done something right. To what avail is hiding, blocking one's self from pain that was really another's? What does this hiding achieve? If only our hearts were to open and see the pains that exist in a world very much the same as we live in, but oh so different in the lives we live. While I was growing up in a house - fed, loved and safe, they were being cheated of life itself before it even began. While I was being looked upon by eyes of parents that were disciplining my wrongs, and loving my achievements - they were being washed by theirs and buried... or not, for their parents too were gone? How do two such extreme lives continue to exist in a world that in name is the same, but the lives permitted to them both have no one standing up to take the blame? How do we convince ourselves to stop listening, watching - while those who lose, continue without having a choice or the means? How does one find the peace and sleep, when the images are not even real for me and yet this is how they leave me to feel? How does one pray to their Lord, and beg for His mercy to spread over His creations? What a test, their life truly is. In knowing that those gone, have done so straight up to His Promised Heaven, but the plight left behind through their blood, is only watering the bed for more lives to be lost in their name - no matter what side of the game they be shed on. For how long shall this be, for how long shall all this so remain?

With a piercing headache, I only manage to type out my angst... and listen to some more pictures that I shall for now, leave unframed.

In Hopes Of Finding You...

To a land of beauty, a land of fun
To a place from where I can see another sun
To a land that's near you, a land you've touched
To a place that in peoples pictures only I've ever yet, watched
To a land of aah's, a land where all things'd be new
To a place that wakes in me a spirit lush
To a land of hope, a land destined for us
To that place I will reach to find you
Such is my prayer on repeat, thus.


~ InshaAllah, Ameen!

Release Yourselves

adele set fire to the rain mp3 | lyrics

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As we live it, you and I
We have not much left to blame
After all the pages turned
over and over
Pictures burned and removed
from their seamless covers
Pointless repeats you have become
The pain that came with you
The pain that left with you
Redundant musings;
Petrified, Molly Coddled, Lain to sleep
Reality sublime forever clear
in its moment leaves you awake
To truth not before seen
Dreams that were only dreams
Stark facts that you sit here ruffling through your brain
Nothing but an empty terrain; bare
Let yourself let them go
May it all sink in and finally rest
never to surface again...

Facebook Users

*Picture credits, all individually go to those who made them. I only accumulated them from the web and put them in a collage.
     
*Disclaimer: This is not meant to ridicule Facebook itself, rather just some of it's ''users'' **cough*abusers*cough**

Facebook-ers as I've seen them. Some I love to bits, regardless of their idiosyncrasies. Some... I'd rather not say what I really want to about them. Politeness wins. Nevertheless, my take on them all below:


1) The general social people who are there to keep in touch, the normal acceptable way.

2) The bored social people whose boredom has driven them to stalker standards, nevertheless managing to maintain general harmless behaviour.

3) The busy social people who are closet stalkers and blatant gossipers.

4) The bored unsocial people who are closet stalkers, silent envy-ers, God knows Best whether they are thus harmless or not.

5) The absolutely pretentious jobless narrow minded psuedo-well-meaning advice monger-ers; they read your words off wall posts, statuses, photo albums, comments to others and triple jump to their own conclusions and judgements, dragging in with them a barrage of blind followers.

6) The brain-numbed to the social scene gamers.

7) The finger-happy mindless 'like-ers'.

8) The attention-craving, at the speed of light status changers, who should be elsewhere twittering with their own kinds.

9) The absolutely confused newbies and equally confused old-bies who comment randomly on off-the-subject discuss worthy threads/statuses/pictures/posts.

10) The super cautious mind bogglingly terrified of where my information may go from here no picture false information empty profile thread bare friend list kind of users.

11) The perv kings and queens who want to jiggy with it via inbox... ''dear pls frand me you are beautiful my number is 14M57U91D [if you're visual you can read that as it was meant to be said] 0= )

12) The random friend request senders because you have mutual friends. Yes, we said Hi to each other once. Err... really? No, I knew your mom... Err... okay, so? Yes I saw you at the mall... Err... creep alert!

13) The genuine event, but random organisers who invite you to an event knowing you live across the globe and the event is today or tomorrow.

14) The god awful group inbox reply-ers who cannot see the difference between the ''reply to all'' and ''reply'' under the senders name buttons O_O

15) The picture stalkers who like your picture before you are done editing the caption on it after posting.

16) The friend list stalkers who soon after making friends eat your friend list with their eyes to instant friend request someone from your list to increase their number of **cough*friends*cough**. These are pretty similar to # 12 above.

17) The I know you well enough to make personal comments, ignorants. This lot should ASAP be deleted from your list. Those who are too polite to do so must suffer the consequences O_O

18) The one's who can't type lYk aDuLts or who hv 2 spk in wys tht r sre 2 bst a vA9 in ur i. This is not your mobile phone that charges you for every letter, nor are we in a hurry to communicate letters per second. Please type in full, else I won't read it. Thanks O_O

19) The ''lolz'' droppers at the end of a serious comment/compliment. It's like they're actually saying, '' ha ha ha in your face, FOO!'' =S

20) The one's who love to tag you in every ugly god forsaken picture.

21) The one's who read anything and everything you say, and think it's about them...

... 
... 

... So, which one are you?  0= )

Rolling In The Deep

Adele: Rolling in the deep


Exactly how it feels... for the person I knew when I knew you.
But... the person that now exists because of you, I fail to understand.
The memory of her comes alive when it knows the words to this song.
The body of her quietens it.
The soul of her, prays for you and her... and her.

~ FiamaanAllah

Protests & Discord

Death by bomb, rifle, or stone
Injustice and crime we must condone
Lives at stake
No one will be 'forsaked'
Your brother, mother, 'et al' they'll take
They will pester and break
Till they muster enough ache
And let all fester with hate
Until all that exists
Perishes beyond a requitable state.

The Goods in the Bads

Perched on my window, I watch from the inside as all things transpire. Some things feel like they are running in slow motion before me while I stand watching; a non participant - and at other times things that happen do so too fast for me to be able to stop and comprehend them in all their entirety; I am left humbled and sometimes also rather stupefied. Emotions have to be one of the extremes, the middle ground screaming of monotony there by not piped about with fervour - for now at least. Restless souls that we undoubtedly are, are moved by the words and thoughts of some participating few that exist around us...

... Why?

Perhaps because of the very nature of them, pleasant words and thoughts that is, being totally unexpected! Such little humbling happy moments are but ones to be wholesomely treasured for they are the little blessings that this life has to offer. We more often than not, pass them on by in a skip of a heart beat, never finding grace with in us to stop and appreciate or be thankful! May such moments never stop unfolding, every now and then, as reminders of the little gifts that we ought to revel in.

Thank you Allah swt for blessing my life with people of hearts, people with a conscience, people who know kindness and use it, people who don't just preach but live with honesty, people who stop to show they care when all else around is chaos personified manifold!

          Alhumdulillah!

A Long Long Way We Have Come, You and I...

After wracking my brain for literally over an hour online, searching for some way to share the original, this was all I could come up with ... copy paste into another window if your computer settings are set in a way that would take over this page on clicking on the link below: 
 

	Whitney_Huston_-_Count_On_Me.mp3 (audio/mpeg Object)

_____________________________________________________________________


A long long way we have come, my darling
You and I
We have been to many places
Seen so many disgraces, cried together even
You and I


A long long way we have come, my darling
You and I
We have sang and laughed with each other
While braving judgmental remarks, and ignoring sarcastic murmurs too
You and I


A long long way we have come, my darling
You and I
You taught me to with stand all my hurdles
You held my hand through the troubles, took some of my falls even
You did so much for me, oh dear of mine


A long long way we have come, my darling
You and I
You have grown through the puddles
All on your own, while I muddled far too away from your side
This I to date am still unable to rectify


A long long way we have come, my darling
You and I
We have been to many places
In our own way seen so many faces, into ladies we have now grown
You and I


A long long way we have come, my darling
You and I
You are on your way, walking towards your dreams
I too far to hug or in elation for you scream
But at heart still connected we are, You and I


A long long way we have come, my darling
You and I
May you find happiness forever lasting
And may the world remain kind unto all your honest askings
Pray this and more for you through this humble writing I do
So as to commemorate the joy that it has been, of being You and I...
____________________________________________________________________

Congratulations on your wedding, my sweet! May love, happiness, and peace in all quarters of your life (with your new family, along side the old), be your blessing unto eternity inshaAllah,
Ameen!

I love you!
FiamaanAllah,