The problem with most of us as we grow older, is that we
truly believe we are the ones who will change a person whom others have failed
to change. We believe this deep in our hearts, and firmly resolve to get to it;
changing the person/people. This can be seen in a picture where the woman
believes ‘she’ will be the one to change the man (who all this while has refused
to budge in his ways, many before her have similarly tried, lost, and walked
out of the picture). The same goes for children with their parents. What’s even
more striking is that when I personally think about this latter situation - I
remember going through all the hopes and aspirations of bringing about a change
in my house, its people - which my siblings (a decade and more my junior), now
aspire to do so too. Perhaps my intentions came later, age wise, than do theirs
– but the fact remains that I have tread the path that they are on, but sadly
they will refuse to learn through my experiences because they insist on
travelling the roads themselves. This is sad because most of us will insist on
travelling the road ourselves, no matter the amount of advice that exists out
there to help steer us away from expected failure.
I’ve noticed the pattern. I was once that age too. I believed in things being a
certain way. I believed in home being a certain way, parents being a certain
way, but then… life happened. How?
I tried.
I failed.
I tried again.
I failed again…
And this went on for some time, until some years into this repetitive
dysfunctional twist, a mist of sorts began to clear. I realized, after all
these trials and errors, that home was where the heart was… I realized that it
wasn’t just an adage, but reality. It was simply inexplicable – it had to be
tried. I resented the place I wanted to change, I resented the people who
refused to change (in their ways, their mindsets) stubbornly unrelenting – and
so I imagined a home elsewhere.
Where?
Away from here is all I knew then. But every time I ventured into an ‘away’, I
was sorely lost, and wishing to return home. To the very place where the heart
would not be at rest.
I guess that is the problem. The heart. It is fickle and easily swerved. It is
quite easily tempered by the whims and fancies that the Shaytan and the
Shaya’ateen scatter around it. It latches on quite easily, not letting go
unless really worked upon from the inside. But for us to be successful in
warding it off from the inside, we have to remain firm in our belief that all
that is happening is just as it was meant to be, and in it being so, there is
good. I must let go of everything else and just try and seek that good; attempt
to understand it, and accept it whole heartedly. And despite finding ourselves
having found that belief, we remain susceptible to losing it every now and
then. We cave in to the misery that wishes to surface, and bemoan our current
stand point; forgetting that this very now is where we are supposed to be,
meant to be standing in. It is how we find a way out of it, without the
resentment, that remains a Herculian task that has not yet been mastered. And
so we find ourselves setting off to try and change those around us, in hopes of
finding solace and peace with their change. But the solace and peace, in my
opinion now, does not come from a change in those around us. I think it comes
from changing our own perspective on things, and by being in control of how we
respond to the unrelenting forces around us. And through it all, we need to be
stronger and firmer in our faith. Insha’Allah, things will fall into place and
He shall say Be; and it shall.
~ May He (swt) make this journey easy for us all, may He provide us with the
right companion (as He did to Moses (AS)), may He keep us staunch in our faith always,
may He forever guide us, show us the Light, keep us under His shade, forgive us
our blights, slights, and pick us up to take us through all our falls,
rendering us to be ever stronger, ever firmer in our path to Him and His
Promises… Ameen!
