Families and Celebrations

Some families come together to celebrate while some families forever wait to come together to celebrate. Some families celebrate together. Some families try to forget what isn't right and work on celebrating together. Both families pray. Only Allah swt Knows how to fix what feels not right. May He Heal and Uplift both families. Ameen.

That Shore Where...

My Lord, please…

Take me to a shore that allows me to float upon it, take my time, and come to a semblance of some rest…

Take me over to a bridge that stands around me, gives me strength, and saves me from tipping myself and falling over...

Take me to a road that can bear the weight of me upon it, and allow me to walk straight on to a place where I seem to need to go…

To a house that is built with walls of sturdiness, with boulders of peace, cemented with an abundance of mercy…

Give me a heart serene and calm, that sees beauty in all things - and if not - it still tries very hard to…

Give me eyes that are not mere tools which judge all that is unfamiliar and new…

Take me to a place where the shore will let me float about it, and hold me close to its bosom…

Where I will have come home, and all will be right with everything…

Insha’Allah; Ameen.

Just Like That...

The Problem...

The problem with most of us as we grow older, is that we truly believe we are the ones who will change a person whom others have failed to change. We believe this deep in our hearts, and firmly resolve to get to it; changing the person/people. This can be seen in a picture where the woman believes ‘she’ will be the one to change the man (who all this while has refused to budge in his ways, many before her have similarly tried, lost, and walked out of the picture). The same goes for children with their parents. What’s even more striking is that when I personally think about this latter situation - I remember going through all the hopes and aspirations of bringing about a change in my house, its people - which my siblings (a decade and more my junior), now aspire to do so too. Perhaps my intentions came later, age wise, than do theirs – but the fact remains that I have tread the path that they are on, but sadly they will refuse to learn through my experiences because they insist on travelling the roads themselves. This is sad because most of us will insist on travelling the road ourselves, no matter the amount of advice that exists out there to help steer us away from expected failure.

I’ve noticed the pattern. I was once that age too. I believed in things being a certain way. I believed in home being a certain way, parents being a certain way, but then… life happened. How?

I tried.

I failed.

I tried again.

I failed again…

And this went on for some time, until some years into this repetitive dysfunctional twist, a mist of sorts began to clear. I realized, after all these trials and errors, that home was where the heart was… I realized that it wasn’t just an adage, but reality. It was simply inexplicable – it had to be tried. I resented the place I wanted to change, I resented the people who refused to change (in their ways, their mindsets) stubbornly unrelenting – and so I imagined a home elsewhere.

Where?

Away from here is all I knew then. But every time I ventured into an ‘away’, I was sorely lost, and wishing to return home. To the very place where the heart would not be at rest.

I guess that is the problem. The heart. It is fickle and easily swerved. It is quite easily tempered by the whims and fancies that the Shaytan and the Shaya’ateen scatter around it. It latches on quite easily, not letting go unless really worked upon from the inside. But for us to be successful in warding it off from the inside, we have to remain firm in our belief that all that is happening is just as it was meant to be, and in it being so, there is good. I must let go of everything else and just try and seek that good; attempt to understand it, and accept it whole heartedly. And despite finding ourselves having found that belief, we remain susceptible to losing it every now and then. We cave in to the misery that wishes to surface, and bemoan our current stand point; forgetting that this very now is where we are supposed to be, meant to be standing in. It is how we find a way out of it, without the resentment, that remains a Herculian task that has not yet been mastered. And so we find ourselves setting off to try and change those around us, in hopes of finding solace and peace with their change. But the solace and peace, in my opinion now, does not come from a change in those around us. I think it comes from changing our own perspective on things, and by being in control of how we respond to the unrelenting forces around us. And through it all, we need to be stronger and firmer in our faith. Insha’Allah, things will fall into place and He shall say Be; and it shall.

~ May He (swt) make this journey easy for us all, may He provide us with the right companion (as He did to Moses (AS)), may He keep us staunch in our faith always, may He forever guide us, show us the Light, keep us under His shade, forgive us our blights, slights, and pick us up to take us through all our falls, rendering us to be ever stronger, ever firmer in our path to Him and His Promises… Ameen!

Raindrops

Chal Diye, Why Today?

Track: Chal Diye

You slide down, silently. Why today? It's been a while since you and I met. Today you refuse to abate. In your silent journey refuse to dissipate. Her voice croons to a pain that was sleeping inside of you? Want, reason, comprehension; not to be found in your wake. Lying here silently allowing thoughts to flit on by... they are far too many to stop and collect into some semblance. The thud that resounds inside is pseudo frustrated. I had been successful in not letting this feeling surface fairly well until now. Alas, today it has been victorious...

Today I miss you, Amma. I pray ardently for your return home safe, insha'Allah. In this silent misery I have remembered my words again, to which I have not paid much heed off late. Having typed them down I feel a tiny bit of relief. I still hear her voice resound around... A peace, not of defeat, I silently breathe on and in it's search move off to pray and seek.

Who Am I?

Born in a place where she was destined to be. Grew up the only way she knew how, around whatever it was that she had. That was what made her who she was. The people she met, real or reel, they were the ones who she grew up watching; unknowingly - they were the ones she wanted to be like, they were whom she drew inspirations from - and to keep the balance in check - some of them were also whom she grew up fearing and wishing to keep away from - them and all their sorts...

The things, the people, the places that make us who we are today are all pre-destined and not something 'we' chose. It was our Maker (The All Knowing swt), and then our parents (and so on) who made the effective decisions. It was only after the first five or so years later, that we actually began remembering what it was that we wanted to do... be... etc. From there on we began our journey, and when one begins such a journey, hardly do they know what lies in store for them ahead...

... Some find their dreams effortlessly, some struggle to come close to them, some achieve them after a lot of hard work, while many more still are never able to accomplish even one, if any at all. The people that we become is not necessarily what we had planned.

What nation do I belong to?


What is my religion?


Who are my people?

The only question that I knew how to answer early on was that my people are those who love me for who I am, as I am. Some were family and some my friends - be they today near, or far.

My religion was something I was born into but for the lack of practicing examples around me at that time, something I never really believed in. I grew up being a prime example of monkey see, monkey do - and also saying what was always heard - perhaps we can call that what baby hear, baby says? My own opinion of it all was something I had not even come close to forming. To think for oneself was not something I had learned to do until many a years later into adulthood.

To what nation did I belong, is a question I still struggle with to date; three decades into having lived this life. To some that would be a really long time, and to some yet, not so much. Depends on what side of the movie screen one is seated at. Born on a land that refuses to give you it's name. Born around a people who refuse to immerse you amidst the people around whom you are born, thereby confining you to their own kind in 'said land'. Growing up around what was available, listening, watching, eating, growing up thus similarly emulating - you became, you. On visiting the land that 'your people' came from, you found yourself a little lost on finding a connection incomplete. On voicing this disconnect, you found yourself being left on the sidelines, or simply being accompanied to the door to stand outside; you did not fit in. This unsettled your heart. It made you question yourself. It also made you feel a little lost with regards to where you were meant to be, and who it was that you were meant to be.The land that felt like home did not want to keep you. The people who felt like home did not always understand you, and living around them after a short period of time, you began craving your home - theirs was not yours, this was clear as day, and you surely wanted night. Strife seemed to be your solid companion, but such is what by now you have been learning to call life.

Somewhere along all this searching, you had atleast found religion for yourself, and in the safety of your Lord's Omnipresence, irrespective of land or people, there was immense peace! Alhumdulillah! With That Hand to hold, you took on every hurdle, every steep climb and fall with hope. To give up was wrong, this faith sometimes shaken, managed to remain -in general- strong. But who it was that you were, and today see yourself to be, when telling others on being asked - remained a quelling mystery. Rejection from all that was home did not come easy. Acceptance from all that was not home, was a struggle to be faced every now and then. To find energy to last through it all, was one of the many tests that had to be sat through. To find firm footing, to find contentment, to find company, to find understanding, all towards a place to call your abode...


And such were the many aspirations sought by her seemingly very wanting soul, hereby rendered thus.

In Hopes Of Finding You...

To a land of beauty, a land of fun
To a place from where I can see another sun
To a land that's near you, a land you've touched
To a place that in peoples pictures only I've ever yet, watched
To a land of aah's, a land where all things'd be new
To a place that wakes in me a spirit lush
To a land of hope, a land destined for us
To that place I will reach to find you
Such is my prayer on repeat, thus.


~ InshaAllah, Ameen!