Crossroads No More?

I think I'm at that point on a road, where I want to stop and reassess the things that I have been thinking I want... Perhaps none of the choices I make will be wrong. I am certain that despite the route I take, the lessons will all meet in conformity at the same point in the end; their travels albeit shall remain undecided upon, ie. whether they will be long, short, easy, hard, or somewhere in the mix of it all. In this thought I want to linger with positivity, until positivity its harvest has reaped as proof to show, InshaAllah - Ameen.

Distrubed Limbo

The cursor on the screen blinks at me while I, in my resigned silence, stare back at it – for how long I know not. The noise, the chaos, the upheaval, the utter disturbance of it all has seeped into my very existence as I painstakingly try to breathe through the insect repellent, cement dust, and chips of wood that have been abandoned and left to waft around at their wily leisure. With a mechanical sweep of the hand I kill a buzzing stray mosquito number infinite, about to mark its territory; with a whack of a kitchen tissue roll, housefly that was waiting by in planned silence to attack by daylight meets its abrupt demise. These 'bugger bys' seem to exist in platoons un-defeatable!

The astounding profundity of getting by another day looms at me. The joke of our everyday existence based on utilities, ergo technology, mocks at me. The tick in the background warns me of precious minutes waning off quicker than fathomable; the beep of a repetitive sound numbingly snickers in seemingly glee at its accomplishment of not letting me find peace in that which really needed to be done. My sight glazes up, my tightly coiled emotions further coil up -alarmingly so- into twisted twists unappeasable! Disdain for all -et all- reeks through my very everything. Why can't all just settle down and let the dust of me breathe? In this wretched not knowing I mask myself and end my sleep weary musings thus…

''Tomorrow, please be kind to me?''

At the shaken end of an unplanned sneeze, I gawk unattached at a confused bit of lint flutter by, akin to my deranged sense of uppity all; inexplicably appalled.

The Moving...

Robert Plant & Alison Krauss:: Please Read the Letter




It was coming to her in bits and pieces - where, when, little nothings had been said. Another piece of furniture lost it's leg. Out another box got carried away. Another curtain got taken down and resolutely packed away. The show on display was full of life while she on the inside quietly watched in detached numbed silence from a sideline of sorts.

'' Would the tears come another day? Would they come at all, or had their reasons to flow been numbed for time untold? ''

It all remained a tiny mystery for life to unfold some day in the future perhaps. With an impatient shrugging aside of her own futile thoughts, she dragged her thoughts back to reality and talked herself to get some sleep in order to face another day of quiet madness that her life had become. She did remember to thank her blessings before she restlessly passed out.

Unimportant Fool

One feels stifled and wonders untiringly so, over the ache that comes from not knowing where to belong; who to belong to. There remains only One constant through all the dries, through all the cries, there remains only One constant one can turn to and cry their angst to. There seems to be no place to call home, there seems to be no person who knows you. In fact, they seem to work like the mechanics of a clock, where in some parts work in desperate compliance while the single or more who dare to defy work under constant emotional abuse to end up in a heaped corner comprised of a wretched mix of perpetual defiance and miserable compliance for the sake of survival. Where does one go when there is a lack of means to get to anywhere but here? What does one do when there is only a lack of possibilities doable that exist? Who does one turn to when there is not a single soul that hears it without derision or insult instead of with patience or even a morsel of respect that it aches to be accorded. How does one fit in a slot when while trying to do so there are constant pins pricking it, drills drilling it, hammers hammering it, and voices vacillating it? What ever cords one manages to nourish, the fatigue amassed from such intense repeats manages to derail and disappoint. Useless, Worthless, Unimportant; one is left to feel. Finding that place and people to belong to exists as a wasted dream. Finding peace in a life away from this world's is all that seems important; is all that one aches for in one's now, inshaAllah...
Ameen!

Fireworked

  

katy perry firework mp3 | lyrics

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She dragged herself out of bed in order to sort out the rifling verbosity that had been streaming with in her head all day... the boom of the song in her ears as she tried drowning out the sounds that pervaded the peace of her being from the outside of her sanctuary... soon to be dismantled and resurrected elsewhere. She did not want to risk profanities and discord to make their way into her already havoc riddled complacence which was her very feeble now. The escaping silent stream that was trickling its way down a crevice warm from currents that had left streaks and creeks in their wake, was derailed; wiped away. She sat up straight with a purpose, or so she thought. When to let it out she sat, escaped they all; scattered and withered much from their excessive abuse today. Reminiscent moments finding their way in at random. Purposes losing their track due to unforeseen troubles... Waylaid? Only time mysterious would know. Dead beat and worn out everything felt. Resolve she mustered yet again and decided to give up trying for now. To silence back she receded... with the boom of the same song in her ears, playing faithfully to a part of her that listened while the rest of her numbed itself back to filling out its crevices and creeks with a warmth that needed some more to flow tonight for reasons she wished not to dissect...

Farewell Home & 2010

Many a sins have transpired behind these walls, many a stories have gone untold; some stranded and left forever hanging mysteriously in an abyss, some boldly faced and thereby rested in semblance of peace. Some lives here have only begun to be shockingly ended, while others have blessedly ended only to be begun again afresh (Alhumdulillah). Some hearts have been healed, some relationships extended, some broken ones mended. Some bodies too have lost control here -for different amounts of time- but then mercifully pacified, eventually. Some spirits have been set on fire, a few lies have been spun around to be contorted out of selfish desires.

The face of these walls that proudly sits on display today, as we say our farewells to it, is only because of all who have in its making so painstakingly perspired. Futures that have stemmed from here in reside far away, in the present today, rendered restless from the inability to say their hesitant - unwilling - goodbyes to it in person. Leave all this behind, we do soon, calling it another chapter of our lives that has been penned down to a close. A new chapter we must begin here forth, taking heed from the stars as they too prepare themselves to start a whole new mystery laden year ahead. Fresh beginnings with pristine clean slates we all hope for. To set our feet in right this time around, we firmly and surely bind tight our scaffolding's, safe guarding them lest there be any impending tips or falls in store ahead.

To lives, hearts, health, blessings, and all their stories to be born anew, I raise my pen, recording this prayer into a written request; bidding this house and all the year's that have been before it in the past, a revered adieu...

Audhu Billahi Minashhaytan ir Rajeem Bismillahi Rahmaan ir Raheem!