When Everything Aches

Every part of me feels broken, inside out. Heal all of us who are broken, Ya Allah. Only You Know how. Protect us from all that is evil around us. Only You Know what we need saving from. Ameen Ya Rabb Al Ameen.

Mayhem - Death

*Picture taken from the internet: Source unknown


With dirt across their face in streaks
Grimy hands and cracked feet
Shirts strewn with blood and…

Doesn’t your heart shriek
Don’t your eyes weep
They are desperate for you and I
to do something
before all and everything
that we knew to be life
is destroyed by their
bomb and gunfire speak
Age is not even a number
as their bodies are piled high
One across another
Two on top of their mother
brother sister aunty uncle
They’re all holding hands
of aged worried grandparents
stooped, then maligned and buried
beneath a ravaged son and a father
who holds his new born bundle
blown to pieces before he could
even kiss its cheek
The unborn fetus that couldn’t
even make it into this world
before it was wrenched
into uncountable pieces of a family
drenched and buried in their own blood
Lineages wiped out before humanities eyes
Havoc is hurled about
And all its creations lie asunder

Oh Lord! Please send your Mercy?

With dirt across his face
Grimy hands, cracked feet
Tears in streaks upon streaks
Tattered clothes strewn with blood!

An Eternal Abode We Aspire For...

Agnes Obel - Riverside : Lyrics

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Many a secrets are hidden, suspended in the gallows of our yesterdays, awaiting their execution. During moments surreptitiously spent in the company of a soft pitter patter of raindrops, during a moment that glistens a reflection - not welcome - yet remembered, during a story someone is telling - reminiscent of your own - You wish to remove the taints, you wish to remove the peeled off rusty paint, you wish to undo it all. Many a people, who share such miserable mistakes of their past with you, in a twist their own - perhaps not all forlorn... you wish to take your voice to them, praying that they too open their eyes to the grave horrors they are re-living, if not entirely buried to be dead. For you have come upon verses from your Holy Book. It beseeches you to come back to your Magnificent Lord Who Forgives all, Who Accepts if you repent, so long as you are alive before you do so! So long as you are alive before you do so? Then rush to forsake that past, which has for too long pricked and poked your soul to tatters. Release your spirit of the burdens it carries around with it, appease thy sanity to rest. To rest in an ease of your slate being wiped clean, but only once you turn in true humility, and make a solemn oath with yourself to never ever return to those yesterdays. He Promises thus, He shall Lighten your heart, and embalm you with His Light and Mercy...

May you and I, and all of who exist in between, be blessed with a peace that comes from a severance of all wrongs attached to our name, only to breathe easily in the Gardens High, with our Maker Sublime - absolved and whole again, insha'Allah; Ameen!





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Quran: Chapter 3/Verse 31: Say, [O Muhammad], "If you should love Allah , then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful."

Quran: Chapter 3/Verse 129: And to Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. He forgives whom He wills and punishes whom He wills. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

A link to Verses from the Quran that talk about ''Forgiveness'' in various situations
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#11ElevenLive

Today is the 11th day, of the 11th month, of the year 2011. Little did I know of how this day was being celebrated all around the world, with various events being held on the very same day - all in their own ways and forms - until I was pleasantly surprised to hear of the 11Eleven Project via a TED member, Danielle Lauren. I was elated to be a part of her global venture, thus, I set out with my dad to a mosque near our house where he would pray, and I would take some pictures from the car.

The car clock tells the time, as we set out.

 

                              

   

                          

Friday, is considered a Holy day for Muslims all around the world...

It is a day when Muslim men can be seen visiting their local mosque in hoards; Muslims of different cultures, all rushing out to their friendly neighbourhood mosque to bow down in prostration to their One Lord, early in the afternoon. 

Little kids in their daddy's arms, or holding each others hands...

People who sit on a chair whilst praying, often bring their own...

Old people who walk to the mosque with the help of a cane...

People in their thawbs, their shimagh/keffiyah, their jeans and shirts, their kurta shalwars/pajamas, their lungis, their variations of topis...

All myriads of steps being walked towards the same call to prayer, to bow down together, shoulder to shoulder in prayer...

The end of their ritual brings them back, out of the mosque, off to attend to their worldly needs again. Some start right at the mosque's doorstep with the buying of vegetables, perhaps for their late lunch or early supper...

Vegetable vendors looking for customers, whilst men meet and greet in the background.

What I found most interesting was how I seemed to remember specific people on their way out, from what I had taken in of them when they were walking towards the mosque; the man whose hair could be used in a shampoo commercial, the man with a bling bling dollar sign on his topi, the man with three kids all of the same size, the man with a cane, the man with a chair, the man who ran in, the man who had waved salaam to another, the man in a lungi, the shiny bald guy with the designeresque sunglasses... you get the drift? Sadly, I couldn't get a picture of all those whom I speak of. Nevertheless, I was intrigued at how the mind chooses to hold on to specific things, whilst entirely forgetting the rest. 


And while I silently mused over this thought, we got back home...

It was time for me myself to pray, and before I got around to it, I took some more pictures of my youngest sibling while she performed her Wudu...

And then stood up to pray in the privacy of her room...

The women in our house, in Saudi Arabia, mostly stay at home to pray by themselves - albeit this is not a norm, simply a matter of preference.

I decided to take pictures of how the Holy day of the week is spent in the life of an Indian Muslim in Riyadh - Saudi Arabia, as luckily Friday happened to fall on 11/11/11!

Why Do We Jump To Act God?

I am not a leader, so I cannot imagine what it is like to be one. Having said that, I am a Muslim who believes in The One Lord; Most Merciful, Most Forgiving. If I expect of Him to have mercy on me, forgive me, then as a follower I sure feel obliged to at least practice that which I ardently hope to in the end myself receive. At the end of all discourse, Allah swt remains Knowing Best... SubhaanAllah.

That Finger That Points At Others...

... Yes it irks me!

For every piece of news we seem to get hold of, in these globally advanced times of ours; every discovery has to be glamourised, or at least hyped oh so much, that the listener in response either gapes, hates, or cries. Yes, interpret those reactions as you may!

Every nation, culture, and religion has one thing in common. They're all comprised of human beings. These human beings, based on the beliefs of the Abrahamic scriptures (I won't claim to presume about other religions, for I have not read of them enough), are designed in such a fashion that renders them susceptible to erring; the very reason for man to be set down on earth. If humans were mistake-free, or the epitome of perfection, then the very connotation of angels would be moot or void.

The fact that human beings are not perfect, leaves the door open to one, two, or few going astray - perhaps some more yet, having a mean streak stretched beyond what is comprehensible by the majority. The general good all of mankind collects to agree upon, regardless of creed and sect, just as they mostly do over the general bad. But offlate, the trend seems to be name calling; in the name of religion, country, groups, etc. 

-If one person belonging to your group goes astray, does that make the entire group lost? 

-If one person from a specific sect claims to say something that is disagreeable, does that bound everyone from that sect to the same thought/rigidity/stance? 

-If one person from 'x' country does something one way, does that make all citizens of that nation duty bound to do things that very same way? 

-If one person (or even 10) from religion 'y' interpret their rituals and duties as doing certain things in a certain manner, does that mean that all who claim to be under the umbrella of this faith will, and do, every thing that very same way?
Why are communities, nations, and a people being stoked and stroked by a quick smearing of the same brush? Why are we confining ourselves to the limitations of a single story, when what we really need to do is expose ourselves to the possibility of something more that may -and often does- exist beyond our myopic exposure? Why does it have to come down to either Muslims being terrorists, or Americans being Conspirators, while all Indians and Pakistanis being doctors and IT people, and all Arabs owning oil wells and camels, not to forget that all Brits have to have horrible dental hygiene, and everyone in Antarctica lives in Igloos! 

I guess by now, the ones reading who have a working grey matter would have caught on my drift, and woe.

One can only hope so much... and pray, if you're thus inclined...

*sigh*

A Love Divine

A love divine surpasses confines
 A love divine walks through and past thorny vines

It nourishes and holds 

It helps you cross alters

It never questions or ever falters

It lasts on to be heard of, and it beholds

A love divine will never let you down
A love divine is what we all deeply pine for

It disappoints not nor forgets anything 

It forever persists through our highs and lows

It transcends humanity across and over so many lores

It survives past everything that a human heart could uphold 

A love divine is a blessed find
A love so divine only exists in Thine

Ye Who all time and boundaries Defy

Reflecting Your Presence in all hues and cries 

Or other wise tangibles; definite or unclassified

Ye remain Sublime Undeterred past all or any confine(ment).

The Fear of Death/Acceptance of Life

Crossing over

such a cleaver to the head?

It's just a moment

When your breath comes to a final end...

... only to live on for sure.

Perhaps our real fear and worry

should lie in making haste

towards deeds that would allow us

to reach that aspired for shore!

... inshaAllah, Ameen!

Test of Patience

Listless
For reasons, the list of which is Endless


Fiery
Glimmering moments few, while the rest remain mostly dreary


Tranquil
Not I, internally pangs live on, then multiply


Prayer
In fear I bow, in faith I remain prostrating relentless


Hopeful
Remains the soul, albeit tired, it waits on with tested patience

Hubris Beings; We

Hubris beings we, susceptible to fall by the very nature of our existence. To pride ourselves of our goodness, greatness, blessings, etc. is a dangerous path to tread. When the pot holes trip us into a fall infinite or unbreakable in nature, we never know. We must rush to embrace humility, lest humiliation stares us in the face first! Escape from disgrace in this life, we might manage, but our failings from Him (swt) will never go unseen; unless we have truly repented (or so we hope and pray, inshaAllah).

Allah (swt) Knows Best...

Allahumma innaka affuwwun tuhibbul afwa fa'fu anni 

'The' Precipice, or 'A' ?

This journey is not complete. The human heart, never quite acquiesced, resents having it's time cut short before it feels ready to let go of all that it has to do in this lifetime. Therefore, it dreams on for things it hopes to have, do, or see in a tomorrow unseen - and - sometimes it succeeds in making the dream into a reality, sometimes it doesn't. It's just as simple as that. In a humble journey of 30 odd years thus, I think to myself of the precipices I've been on. The sheer falls that I have not jumped, the steep heights that I have not reached, and the many edges that I've scraped through; Alhumdulillah, survived. They have been what has come together to make me. I keep arriving at a precipice - of some shape, sort, or another - every now and then, as I breathe and continue to exist. Falling is impending, Jumping a choice - Heights are looming, Climbing them tiresome - Edges are inescapable, Scraping through; lifes test. The riddle, nevertheless remains, whether we on this journey (had) arrive(d) at 'THE' precipice, or 'A'.

What ensues, ''in stone'' thus, perhaps decides...

Restlessness

A ubiquitous restlessness pervades into the very being of my everything. Everything that is meant to be straight seems awry and everything that is not, is. Straight that is. But I remind myself that this is how it is meant to be for me to grow. For if I weren't to test my agility in this manner, I would be failing this test. This test of life that is. Or is it? Yet another microcosm of its mysteries I guess. I should really just leave it at that. But I can't seem to find an appeasement of any sort. Not from written verbiage, nor from a verbal vent. The verbal vent is actually inconspicuous. So much so, that it actually has no bearings or form in actuality. Perhaps the essence of ineffectiveness that ensues my attempts of producing anything worth notice is what ignites such restlessness? Perhaps it is the unconscious need for notice that does? Perhaps not finding a healthy balance between the two does? Yet another question, and then some. It all goes back to the lessons that one is to learn from all happenings. The restlessness remains unmasked. Steadfast rituals of spiritual faith and healing unhinge them momentarily enough for me to find my sanity of sorts. In a self inflicted quietness, I immerse myself thus.

Momentarily Bereft?

Keane : Everybody's Changing 



Trying to take a hold of my own spiraling thoughts, while the heart feels like it's literally about to shatter, and the head feels like any second now - it will explode... tears trekking their course downward in a mad rush, breathing uncontrolled... I attempt to calm myself down, I speak to God. I know I should get up and pray, the actions I am well aware of, yet something makes my arms and legs numb. I move instead to this medium, to let it all out; is it anger, frustration, loss, a mixture of it all, I don't know. I know that it hurts... again.

The again makes me hurt more than it did the last time it had hurt again. This probably makes sense to few, but I am speaking to myself, and so it should hardly matter if someone else understands this. Heck, I don't understand myself anymore! Everything keeps changing, I do too, yet somewhere inside me alongside all the changes - something never got to grow, change, recover... In slow motion with deep rooted pain, everything plays back in a barbaric fashion, teasing you with an uncanny unreal sound screaming how you will remain stuck here forever. Here? Where is this? Am I in it? Who am I? Do I even know myself?

People claim to tell you what you need, from the little bits they hear you tell them about yourself. Suddenly they have solved the mystery of you, that you all along have been left dumbfounded by. Do they really know you? Does the amount you shared even count as valid information? Because all that you left out has its dibs on the person you are too, does it not? Does it? Do I know? I think not. But, I also think they don't know me, because I don't know myself. I could spin this around forever, and cause a few brain cells to spark out of life, but that doesn't change the reality of me. It doesn't even begin to unfold the answers with which I seek to douse myself. Breathe in, breathe out... another attempt to calm myself down, yet dang darn it, again!

Untouched spirit I am not. A fair share of pains I have inflicted on to the souls of those who cared. Perhaps my havoc is a resultant concoction of their woes beset upon me, post my actions that caused them grief? Karma loves to entangle its chords, deep and firmly, and play out the gruesome music it thus enables itself to produce - piercing through your senses, making you aware of your actions. Is being sorry - ardently desperately genuinely so - ever enough? Every time you get shot down, hurt, or left to figure things out, there you are with your ''Pandoras chest'' - wide open once again - set on a self display for examination of where it was that you went SO wrong that THIS is happening to you now.

Your faith teaches you; you reap what you sow. Your faith teaches you; On no soul doth God place a burden heavier than it can bear. Your faith teaches you; There is a better good behind all that happens - we just don't know/see it yet. Your faith teaches you the best of pearls -beautiful things- and yet you flounder, you blunder, you fall astray, and you question! Oh boy, do you question! You love Him, and SO you question. You question, and you plead, and you repent, and you finally simmer down all spent. You tell yourself, this too shall pass, and you are better than this. He has to make it better, and if you allow your faith to stumble without picking yourself back up, you're only going to fall further down a broken road that will throw you totally off course. You don't want that. You want to traverse the paths of happiness. You want to find the road that is right. It always has been the road that you've ever truly sought, and its been the very road that has been truly wily.

In this struggle to find right - with in myself - and to be able to practice right - through my self and my actions - I shall persevere. How many will misjudge me, and how many I will drive away, I know not. But to find true escape from the madness that is capable of boiling inside of me, while compassing my own motives, is something I hope to be able to find. With out it I fear, I will burn myself down, and at this point I don't know where to go to get away from it all.

A Sajdah or two, followed by beads of remembrance...
Through them I hope to cleanse all thus spewed. 


Allahumma innaka affuwwun tuhibbul afwa fa'fu anni
In Allaha Ma'asaabireen
Hasbun Allaahu Waneymul Wakeel

''Religion Police''

The past 30 years of my life, I have been born and raised in Saudi Arabia. Yes, the very country that to date is STILL heard of as being behind the times as far as rights of women are concerned. What was a sad sad sad thing to witness for me today, was that in 2010 - after having defended this country of its idiosyncrasies for so long - I was harassed by the very fanatics that most who have lived here as long or longer than I, thought were no more, if not all bygone by now...

Such, I realised today, was going to be a very far away tomorrow (if at all possible one day), for as long as this Monarchy were to reign. Why? Because Democracy would ensure that voices of the educated (slowly yet consistently increasing) be heard; be made to count. But until that were to happen, the Ignoramuses who claim to be the know it all's -rather demand it- will always bring disgrace to their creed, their religion, their people and the history of a religion that to me is my very spirit - Islam!

I am ashamed by the actions of a select few who demand that all and sundry convert to their interpretation of the Holy Grail. I am ashamed to share the same belief system, that seems to be practiced on a whole another level by some who seem to have lost the very essence of what they claim to believe in - simply because they are too lost in following this system as it was handed down to them without question, somewhere having been intertwined with cultural beliefs that began to confuse themselves with the core of these religious beliefs that in my minds eye, all lead to the same God, the same teachings and the SAME essence.

I do not belong to the fanatics. I do not wish to belong to anyone, anywhere NEAR them... What upsets me is that these fanatics that still run free -thank God not rampant- are the ones who make even their own brethren HATE muslims like them when they inflict pain and hypocrisy first hand to their fellow humans - thinking they are the direct messengers of God Himself (Astaghfirullah).

The last I checked - Lakum Deenakum Walya Deen  [Quran 109:6] - is what our esteemed beloved Prophet Muhammad pbuh taught us, and that is what we have in the teachings of our Quran...

What makes some MEN believe that they are the custodians of Islam, the soldiers of its message, the beholders of its authenticity, I'll never be able to fathom! Thus, I pray to my Maker, swt,  to give me the patience to not react to the ignorance of this 'religion police', and be blessed with never having to face their lot upfront ever again, insha'Allah... Ameen!