Distrubed Limbo

The cursor on the screen blinks at me while I, in my resigned silence, stare back at it – for how long I know not. The noise, the chaos, the upheaval, the utter disturbance of it all has seeped into my very existence as I painstakingly try to breathe through the insect repellent, cement dust, and chips of wood that have been abandoned and left to waft around at their wily leisure. With a mechanical sweep of the hand I kill a buzzing stray mosquito number infinite, about to mark its territory; with a whack of a kitchen tissue roll, housefly that was waiting by in planned silence to attack by daylight meets its abrupt demise. These 'bugger bys' seem to exist in platoons un-defeatable!

The astounding profundity of getting by another day looms at me. The joke of our everyday existence based on utilities, ergo technology, mocks at me. The tick in the background warns me of precious minutes waning off quicker than fathomable; the beep of a repetitive sound numbingly snickers in seemingly glee at its accomplishment of not letting me find peace in that which really needed to be done. My sight glazes up, my tightly coiled emotions further coil up -alarmingly so- into twisted twists unappeasable! Disdain for all -et all- reeks through my very everything. Why can't all just settle down and let the dust of me breathe? In this wretched not knowing I mask myself and end my sleep weary musings thus…

''Tomorrow, please be kind to me?''

At the shaken end of an unplanned sneeze, I gawk unattached at a confused bit of lint flutter by, akin to my deranged sense of uppity all; inexplicably appalled.

Unimportant Fool

One feels stifled and wonders untiringly so, over the ache that comes from not knowing where to belong; who to belong to. There remains only One constant through all the dries, through all the cries, there remains only One constant one can turn to and cry their angst to. There seems to be no place to call home, there seems to be no person who knows you. In fact, they seem to work like the mechanics of a clock, where in some parts work in desperate compliance while the single or more who dare to defy work under constant emotional abuse to end up in a heaped corner comprised of a wretched mix of perpetual defiance and miserable compliance for the sake of survival. Where does one go when there is a lack of means to get to anywhere but here? What does one do when there is only a lack of possibilities doable that exist? Who does one turn to when there is not a single soul that hears it without derision or insult instead of with patience or even a morsel of respect that it aches to be accorded. How does one fit in a slot when while trying to do so there are constant pins pricking it, drills drilling it, hammers hammering it, and voices vacillating it? What ever cords one manages to nourish, the fatigue amassed from such intense repeats manages to derail and disappoint. Useless, Worthless, Unimportant; one is left to feel. Finding that place and people to belong to exists as a wasted dream. Finding peace in a life away from this world's is all that seems important; is all that one aches for in one's now, inshaAllah...
Ameen!

Impostors

Impostors we are, gliding past shadows our own, convincing ourselves of being someone else. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder; conflicting thoughts incessantly manifest from this golden adage. In reality we judge ourselves more times than another could, while those of us that really need to, remain cast inside the immunity of our denial. Simple beings exist in a minority, at least from being obvious they do actively refrain. Complexity is the new it. It draws attention, it demands to make a stand, it dares to contradict. In the differences of opinion do we exist as humans, while in arguing the differences we highlight our flaws. Complacence in all can only be aspired for; beauty, peace, and all that exists between right or wrong.

© Hayaah

Hubris Beings; We

Hubris beings we, susceptible to fall by the very nature of our existence. To pride ourselves of our goodness, greatness, blessings, etc. is a dangerous path to tread. When the pot holes trip us into a fall infinite or unbreakable in nature, we never know. We must rush to embrace humility, lest humiliation stares us in the face first! Escape from disgrace in this life, we might manage, but our failings from Him (swt) will never go unseen; unless we have truly repented (or so we hope and pray, inshaAllah).

Allah (swt) Knows Best...

Allahumma innaka affuwwun tuhibbul afwa fa'fu anni