Fighting Despair

When I look to the world it brutally crushes my hopes and tells me all about how 'this' isn't possible and 'that' will never happen. Then I remind myself of The Maker of all things and I shout out, ''Ya Lateef! Ya Jabbar! Ya Fattah, iftah alayy! Oh the Most Subtle One, The Compeller, The Opener of all doors and gates, and everything else, please Open up my way! I ask not of the world whose people tell me of all things impossible! I ask You, O Creator of all things, You for Whom nothing is impossible! Please send me that which my heart is too afraid to put into words to ask of You, forever seeking right words and never being able to form them; Please send to me from Your infinite bounties a beautiful patience, contentment, peace, happiness and gratefulness in all forms and things of this life; Please send upon me Your infinite Mercy and Khair; I am your heedless forgetful wanting creation begging You to never Forsake me, and to Fill me up in the places that feel empty and bereft of Your Blessings; Please Hold me close Ya Wudood, The Most Loving, Oh Alllah! Allahumma Ameen.''

Indeed My Lord Is With Me, He Will Guide Me

The Holy Quran Or Just Parts Of It?

The verses below have been inspired by the point that Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan makes at 20:26 in his lecture called, One And Why [part 3/4], while he speaks of the problems that exist in our faith today. He is trying to make us ask ourselves whether we are supposed to serve Allah (swt), or is His Book supposed to serve us? An excerpt from his lecture:

''When gratitude dies, faith goes with it. When the sense of gratitude dies, faith goes with it. The indulgence that we've created for ourselves is killing our sense of gratitude... and when it's killing our sense of gratitude, there is no doubt, there is no surprise that we are having a crisis of faith... that we are having a hard time believing.''

Seldom, if at all, have you picked it up for it's message,
Selectively as you pick and choose to make a routine of it,
Innate goodness it bears, thus that you will reap good from it as you recite,
But what of it's very purpose, the message that remains untouched?
Dusty and clumpy become the leaves un-turned,
Longing for you to let them air out and share with you their beauty,
But focused too selfishly are you, to only reap rewards that your dunya demands today,
Forgotten is the promised good that lies buried in this historic revelation,
To understand it, as it guides you to your every day life; you remain oblivious,
You wish only to pick and choose when the needs of duniya beckon,
Based on mystic reasons that have gone six feet under, with those who first shared them,
For The Book itself beseeches to be read and lived by in full,
It asks of you to make time to understand what it holds with in it,
It's message designed to work for you; yesterday, today, and tomorrow,
Look with in and find your purpose now, before your breath tomorrow slackens,
And your dunyas' promises suddenly become weak in comparison to the real abode,
An abode which those who've awakened, have begun pining and working towards,
Firmly set are their Eyes on the Prize - as Shahraiz Tabassam puts it, 
Based on the verses of Surah Ya-sin:
*''It will be no more than a single Blast, 
when lo! they will all be brought up before Us! 
Then, on that Day, not a soul will be wronged in the least, 
and ye shall but be repaid the meeds of your past Deeds. 
Verily the Companions of the Garden shall that Day have joy in all that they do; 
They and their associates will be in groves of (cool) shade, 
reclining on Thrones (of dignity); 
(Every) fruit (enjoyment) will be there for them; 
they shall have whatever they call for;
"Peace!" - a word (of salutation) from a Lord Most Merciful!''*
And so, those awakened from the stupor of this duniya have thus begun pining, 
Aspiring to one day stand before Him; The All Knowing, The All Magnificent, 
Trying to rush with their eyes transfixed on that prize,
To repent all and purify themselves; ready and deserving of His promised shared Grace.

Khair Insha'Allah - May we all find ourselves; read and understand the message of our Maker through His Beautiful Book, the Holy Quran. May we not pick it up only to read selective verses from it for our worldly gains. Rather, may we try to read it cover to cover, abide by the life that it speaks of, and become the deserving people that it promises Jannah Al Firdaws to; Ameen.

* Chapter 36, Verses 53-58; The Holy Quran

An Eternal Abode We Aspire For...

Agnes Obel - Riverside : Lyrics

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Many a secrets are hidden, suspended in the gallows of our yesterdays, awaiting their execution. During moments surreptitiously spent in the company of a soft pitter patter of raindrops, during a moment that glistens a reflection - not welcome - yet remembered, during a story someone is telling - reminiscent of your own - You wish to remove the taints, you wish to remove the peeled off rusty paint, you wish to undo it all. Many a people, who share such miserable mistakes of their past with you, in a twist their own - perhaps not all forlorn... you wish to take your voice to them, praying that they too open their eyes to the grave horrors they are re-living, if not entirely buried to be dead. For you have come upon verses from your Holy Book. It beseeches you to come back to your Magnificent Lord Who Forgives all, Who Accepts if you repent, so long as you are alive before you do so! So long as you are alive before you do so? Then rush to forsake that past, which has for too long pricked and poked your soul to tatters. Release your spirit of the burdens it carries around with it, appease thy sanity to rest. To rest in an ease of your slate being wiped clean, but only once you turn in true humility, and make a solemn oath with yourself to never ever return to those yesterdays. He Promises thus, He shall Lighten your heart, and embalm you with His Light and Mercy...

May you and I, and all of who exist in between, be blessed with a peace that comes from a severance of all wrongs attached to our name, only to breathe easily in the Gardens High, with our Maker Sublime - absolved and whole again, insha'Allah; Ameen!





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Quran: Chapter 3/Verse 31: Say, [O Muhammad], "If you should love Allah , then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful."

Quran: Chapter 3/Verse 129: And to Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. He forgives whom He wills and punishes whom He wills. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

A link to Verses from the Quran that talk about ''Forgiveness'' in various situations
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From Ripples to Peace

Sturdy ripples of doubt, sometimes visible and sometimes not, linger... With every breath she assures herself it will be alright. With every anxious thought, she starts murmuring to the self, ''Hasbey Allaho Waneymal Wakeel, Hasbey Allaho Waneymal Wakeel....'', incessant chants to appease the whirlpool of all that is negative and questioning with in her being. A silent hand takes hold of her and walks her through the insipid moment. Faith is reinstated, affirmed, foundation strengthened, momentary peace sought and claimed. Assuaged spirits, since left to the exposure of mankind and deviling's abound, find themselves huddled into corners of grief and pain every so often. The mind wonders, ''Yet again, I am here - Why? Must I fall short over and over? Is not my triumph over the last time a badge of assurance that I have passed the test and do not need to travel the roads of finding myself over again?'' Apparently not. Each success, seems to be a lesson on its own no matter how much of a resemblance it holds to the new one. Each lesson remains unique and demanding, to be tested through an exam entirely its own. Thus with each doubt, each question, every faltering anxious moment we may ever face and survive, we are to be tested afresh. Gauging with the help of our yesterdays we can hope to find ease, but no guarantees. In knowing that there lurk ahead many a tests to come still, we allow ourselves to be human, and remain in grace of our Ever Magnanimous Ever Omnipotent Maker. We also allow ourselves to fall short, when we do, knowing that there is hope of forgiveness from an Ever Forgiving All Knowing Maker. Under His Ubiquitous Shade lies abundant peace, In His Remembrance lies hope, in His belief come to a semblance of rest the ripples of all natures and ambivalent tests...

Hubris Beings; We

Hubris beings we, susceptible to fall by the very nature of our existence. To pride ourselves of our goodness, greatness, blessings, etc. is a dangerous path to tread. When the pot holes trip us into a fall infinite or unbreakable in nature, we never know. We must rush to embrace humility, lest humiliation stares us in the face first! Escape from disgrace in this life, we might manage, but our failings from Him (swt) will never go unseen; unless we have truly repented (or so we hope and pray, inshaAllah).

Allah (swt) Knows Best...

Allahumma innaka affuwwun tuhibbul afwa fa'fu anni 

Restlessness

A ubiquitous restlessness pervades into the very being of my everything. Everything that is meant to be straight seems awry and everything that is not, is. Straight that is. But I remind myself that this is how it is meant to be for me to grow. For if I weren't to test my agility in this manner, I would be failing this test. This test of life that is. Or is it? Yet another microcosm of its mysteries I guess. I should really just leave it at that. But I can't seem to find an appeasement of any sort. Not from written verbiage, nor from a verbal vent. The verbal vent is actually inconspicuous. So much so, that it actually has no bearings or form in actuality. Perhaps the essence of ineffectiveness that ensues my attempts of producing anything worth notice is what ignites such restlessness? Perhaps it is the unconscious need for notice that does? Perhaps not finding a healthy balance between the two does? Yet another question, and then some. It all goes back to the lessons that one is to learn from all happenings. The restlessness remains unmasked. Steadfast rituals of spiritual faith and healing unhinge them momentarily enough for me to find my sanity of sorts. In a self inflicted quietness, I immerse myself thus.

''Religion Police''

The past 30 years of my life, I have been born and raised in Saudi Arabia. Yes, the very country that to date is STILL heard of as being behind the times as far as rights of women are concerned. What was a sad sad sad thing to witness for me today, was that in 2010 - after having defended this country of its idiosyncrasies for so long - I was harassed by the very fanatics that most who have lived here as long or longer than I, thought were no more, if not all bygone by now...

Such, I realised today, was going to be a very far away tomorrow (if at all possible one day), for as long as this Monarchy were to reign. Why? Because Democracy would ensure that voices of the educated (slowly yet consistently increasing) be heard; be made to count. But until that were to happen, the Ignoramuses who claim to be the know it all's -rather demand it- will always bring disgrace to their creed, their religion, their people and the history of a religion that to me is my very spirit - Islam!

I am ashamed by the actions of a select few who demand that all and sundry convert to their interpretation of the Holy Grail. I am ashamed to share the same belief system, that seems to be practiced on a whole another level by some who seem to have lost the very essence of what they claim to believe in - simply because they are too lost in following this system as it was handed down to them without question, somewhere having been intertwined with cultural beliefs that began to confuse themselves with the core of these religious beliefs that in my minds eye, all lead to the same God, the same teachings and the SAME essence.

I do not belong to the fanatics. I do not wish to belong to anyone, anywhere NEAR them... What upsets me is that these fanatics that still run free -thank God not rampant- are the ones who make even their own brethren HATE muslims like them when they inflict pain and hypocrisy first hand to their fellow humans - thinking they are the direct messengers of God Himself (Astaghfirullah).

The last I checked - Lakum Deenakum Walya Deen  [Quran 109:6] - is what our esteemed beloved Prophet Muhammad pbuh taught us, and that is what we have in the teachings of our Quran...

What makes some MEN believe that they are the custodians of Islam, the soldiers of its message, the beholders of its authenticity, I'll never be able to fathom! Thus, I pray to my Maker, swt,  to give me the patience to not react to the ignorance of this 'religion police', and be blessed with never having to face their lot upfront ever again, insha'Allah... Ameen!