Saturday, 14 February 2009

Jealousy

Why do we get jealous? Or better yet, 'when' do we get jealous? No, I don't mean envious, because when we envy we sort of pine without the deep gushing ache. The pining is a soft piercing ache. Jealousy on the other hand, is a gushing turbid all consuming emotion that sears and envelops u in an all encompassing form. Through that moment, you aren't thinking sanely, nor are you your normal self.

What is it that makes us jealous?

The way I see it, it's when the other person get's that which I had wanted... or seen as mine before someone else came and took it. It could be by chance, it could be planned. Either way, that hurts. It sears, it makes your normally calm insides roar, scream and burst into flames uncontrollable. In that moment you feel cheated and bereft. Like what was yours was taken away from you without a warning, by means unfair and incomprehensible. Logic makes no sense. Your world turns upside down and keeps rolling, tossing and swerving in sharp twists. Things become a blur and every part of you that can feel, aches in your pain, in the severest forms possible and then some.

Then u breathe out, take a calm breath, breathe in, and things start clearing up again. Thats when u take control of your emotions, straighten yourself back up again and decide whether to take things in your stride, or hit back.

I always choose to take things in my stride, wish them well, and start working on myself to move on.

Envy is a whole another story in my book of senses...

11 comments:

Meena said...

I get jealous when...I want something I cant have.

Hayaah said...

For me its more when what I was hoping on gets taken away...

Not necessarily for things i cant have as such... I had a brilliant point to add/make, but i forgot by the time i made my way to write on here = |

bleh = /

Meena said...

I hate when ideas slip - I've started carrying a pen and paper for that reason. I know, me dork.

Hayaah said...

NO WAY!

i do that too... ha ha ha

but apparently not often enough =S
Actually it was like a thot that came and then came ppl bombarding me abt sumthing and some chores later when i got back here i was blank = |

Ophelia said...

I've been thinking about this alot...life would be so much more simple to get on with without jealousy...

And so true logic doesn't make sense. I've only recently let go of my logic, can't live with it, you'll die without it.

nice post Hayaah.

Hayaah said...

Thanx Ophelia...

seriously tho... cant live without it, and living with it constantly stabs = (

Ophelia said...

ugh constantly stabs- i know exactly what you mean, and it's not that we're bad people, its just in our hearts to be so.

- I actually do unprofessional yoga and martial arts to drift my mind away from it and other emotions---have you ever tried it? Very relaxing.

Hayaah said...

Jealousy to me honestly, has been rare, and when it has taken roots, its been all consuming, for small moments, that i crush with prayer, because they scare me with their intensity. I hate not being able to control it. I automatically compensate by praying out loud to the Lord to keep the others safe from my emotions in that moment unconrollable, and to give me peace with however it stands...

I hvent tried yoga or martial arts, tho i can see how martial arts cud so help. Even a normal good workout routine helps... i jst need to get back to that for now, iA... :)

ommarah said...

I am not sure why -but I associate jealousy with childhood and when I wasnt adult enough to handle it. If I didnt get something and someone else did -was it really ever mine to begin with?

Eramsurviv0r said...

I don't know if this is considered jealousy or not...but when i really crave something...and it ends in someone else's hands, i just sigh and say something along "oh maaan...wish it was me"
...that's pretty much all that is...
I guess what help this is..that i'm such a low-expectation person, i rarely get my hopes up for anything really.
plus, i'm such a pessimist -_-"

Hayaah said...

Ommarah, that logic comes after that temporary searing moment... Ive never had in like i have recently for one reason. Well ofcourse im not gonna spill the beans :P But it was scary feeling such intensity of a negative emotion. Cos i always saw it as controllable. Would never want to ever harm anyone. But for a blinding second it was uncontrollable. May Allah swt keep us away from all wrong at all times, Ameen.

Eram... I dunno... but i was jst writing it down as it was a new emotion for me being uncontrollable in its tiny moment, as it was. Normally I accept things calmy and do at the end of the day know and believe that all that happens is for our best. So, the rare moment was kind of scary... for me ie.