Saturday, 14 February 2009

Refrain

I feel rage for you but I won't hate you.
I feel spite anger torrid hate, but I won't attack you.
I won't curse you or wish you unwell, but how much just watching you hurts me, only my heart knows.
Therefore I must stay away from you.
For now I will keep away from you.

12 comments:

Meena said...

So sad considering the number of ppl in life we will stay away from this way. There needs to be a way to not stay away but w/o the pain.

Hayaah said...

yes... thats why, ''for now''. The hope is to learn to live with it. Believe in the adage of 'time heals' and in that hope let it show that it does? Also time brings in more people, more experiences, more opportunites, that may make us see things in a newer light... hence heal? Perhaps... therefore, ''for now i will keep away...''

Meena said...

But does time really heal? Or is it that having something else let's us put it away?

Hayaah said...

I think its a bit of both, if we are willing to accept that everything has a greater good in it, and actually start believing it too.

With maturity of age and experience, what we eventually gain with patience instead of what we lost otherwise, really does start feeling worth the wait. In that way, I would see it not as something else, but a better something else too. That I believe would heal too then, no? :)

Meena said...

That first part of your last comment reminds me of the saying that if you tell a lie enough you start to believe it.

I don't think we gain in patience what we lost otherwise, I think we just become more accepting that we lose.

Hayaah said...

I believe in that too, that if u tell a lie enough u start believing it urself. And i do that with somethings rarely... but when I said that abt what I did, I meant that with practice, It actually genuinely for me atleast, has become easier because ive begun believing in the greater good. Things that have happened later have proved it. And so now it comes more easier to me.

Abt the patience bit... The same goes. Initially it was all abt the miserable-ness the comes from the loss. Now the miserable part is transient... Alhumdulillah, I supercede it with prayer. It actually works, and with time, ive begun to actually appreciate the loss. Honestly. I get so past it, that i am glad it happened. But the gettin to the glad part takes time. Whatever form or thing that brings the healing, I think is simply a blessing from Allah swt, Alhumdulillah. I hope everyone/anyone who seeks it, finds it, iA... Ameen.

Meena said...

"ive begun to actually appreciate the loss. Honestly. I get so past it, that i am glad it happened. But the gettin to the glad part takes time."

That's good, iA I will be able to do the same. Maybe it takes time and maturity, and I have a feeling I lack in the latter.

Hayaah said...

iA u will. It definitly takes time and maturity comes with time too rite :) I dont think its abt lacking it, but perhaps not having reached the required mark to feel that way? For me, the last two years of no work and all the time to myself, hve given me ample moments to self reflect and notice myself change in many ways... I see a stark difference in soo many things abt myself. No matter how hard we try to jump the cycle... it all comes at its own pace, with experiences of pain and happiness and when we say 'age' that simply means a new day followed by another, and so on... Everyday with its end, brings a whole new lesson abt something. We jst need to keep ourselves tuned in to learn it :)

Meena said...

Sometimes I feel like I have learnt the lessons, but other times, I cant stay away. Something draws me in and I feel I am bound to incessantly repeat the mistakes - to undo my own learning....

Hayaah said...

It happens to us with things that are just that hard to let go of. But in each return and each visit, we re-learn something new about ourselves. Be it only about our own resilience to fight that source of pain, if nothing else.

deuceexmachina said...

you are a bigger man then me.

i believe in revenge, although sometimes the best revenge is inaction...

Hayaah said...

Being a bigger man isnt much fun either honestly... comes with its demons it does. But for me its more like choosing the best from a bunch of worsts...

If I ever did take revenge, I wouldnt be able to forgive myself, and thats not helping me either, is it? = o I sometimes think its a personality error :/