Friday, 27 February 2009

''Loneliness knows me by name''





I was reminded of this song just now. I used to listen to it many years ago, perhaps a decade or so earlier. What reminded me of it was how DESPERATELY LONELY I am feeling right now...

I here, sitting away from home, ache for a familiar face, a person a place, to whom or which I may belong. I ache to hear a voice that makes me feel at ease, a voice that makes me feel I am in the right place.

There is just me and my solitude. How much one can fake smiles, and talk about subjects that DO NOT matter to you, or intrigue you in the least, at the moment eludes me. How much one can be around all that is discomfitting, so much so, that you are struggling with in to break loose and get out, is suffocating me! Cramped from all sides. Rules of the country do not allow me to step out at any hour alone as a woman. There isn't really any place to go to either when you are in an unfamiliar town.

I crave some me time. I want someone I can talk to. I want someone who wants to talk to me. I want the comfort of atleast having my own siblings to hug or receive a smile from. I even miss my moms incessant nagging about something trivially random.

I want to sleep in my own bed, wrapped in the warmth of my own comforter, my head cucooned amidst my own pillows, my cusion tightly held in my arms.

I wanna go back home or else find a place to call my own...

4 comments:

ommarah said...

Aaaw bless girl..hope you are with your own now:P

Hayaah said...

Alhumdulillah!!! :D
Got bck home today and I LOVE MY BED!!! I jst love it love it love it and I think that wat i missed the most 0= )

semi charmed said...

Living where you are , takes its toll , i remember being in your shoes once upon a time , 2 years had driven me over the wall, while i felt the whole world was moving on ,i was left drowning in my own stagnant life. its hard and you begin to reject rational thoughts, you mope , you sulk , you hate . but in all that i realised , much later, that i was moving on too , while some had it easier than i did at that point and probably still do ,it still left me an impressionable mark on my life and changed me forever. Life comes fast at you , you never know when that sudden turn is about to come! i hated my life back then , but i realise now , i needed that. i dont kno how but i did . it saved me from the self absorbed life i was leading. i kno its hard. all i can say is , HANG IN THERE!! ur sudden turn is coming :)!

Hayaah said...

jazakAllah love... I know what u mean and the need to claw out moments have actually passed... ive come to a sort of complacence abt home and what it brings, as long as ive got my sanctuary, my room ;)

this was a piece I wrote whilst away from home as a guest in someone elses home. Hence the need for familiarity...

iA, i do still await the sudden turn and all others that are meant to come my way... Actually do look forward to them :D