Questioning Destiny

When I look in the mirror
What do I see,
a sad picture, a painful big heap...
How did I get here, a question I ask,
The answer I know, then why do I ask?
Why do I persist in wallowing deep?
Why do I bother to go through and seek?
What is it I'm searching for?
A word that's read in books?
What am I craving for,
Very few have actually looked!
If at all, it could'nt make a difference
'cos those looks are only vile.
It's the hollow space that aches and cries
and all it actually gets is denial.
With arms outstretched,
my hands, they grope,
to what avail?
Only space, never hope.
A lonely heart which continues to beat
Though why when there isn't any scope?
And yet at times when hope seems to glimmer,
All hope avails is to give me a shiver.
But what's the point
when it still gets crushed?
And what's the point,
there never really seemed a rush;
Will I get it, or lose it?
'cos lost it already was...
I never really did have it,
I never really ever could,
all of what that I always wanted,
So why should there have been
any exception now?
Why should there have
been an exception ever?
In my fate was always written - Never!