Thursday, 21 April 2011

The Revival of Hope

Restlessness and Lethargy seem to be the key players in my existence right now. They have pervaded all that exists - be it work or home - and seem to render the consciousness and agility, Listless.

''What is this spell?''  The mind pains itself to think.

''Why is it that my prayers, incantations, and all other tribulations of spiritual cleansing, seem not to be working as they used to once - especially when they are most ardently needed to? Perhaps a rust of sorts has taken roots within my being without me being aware of it? Perhaps a weakness of heart? Perhaps the mistake of entertaining a certain Mr. Guileless-unworthy-What-If-and-Why-Me-Beware-Of-Me-I-Am-Dangerous-Thus-Don't-Court-Me-Bugger-Of-Sorts?''

Why, that has got to be it!

What is needed, perhaps, is a revival of the self with a more focused diligence. Hankerings over these negatives never were good for me and bode nothing well for my future; the sane parts of the mind that still exist, reprimand the soul to take on a semblance of control...

''Aau'dhubillahiMinaShaytaaniRajeem, BissmIllahiRahmaaniRaheem''

To another chance, to another forgiveness, to another moment - in order to live right, I stir myself and try to wake up again, in order for my conscience to be able to survive the test which who knows how soon I shall find myself immersed in... in the only Ultimate End Which Matters.

Insha'Allah may the ''trying'' be made easy and may the effort not go wasted.



Rubina said...

Constant fight with our nafs is what everyone engages in daily. The main thing is we should keep trying and never lose faith as we r all tested at different levels not more than we can endure. In my eyes I see a person with a fighting spirit and who has grown so much in her Iman mashallah.My dua for you is may you come out stronger and smiling from this down phase inshallah!!
love Ruby aapo

Hayaah said...

JazakiAllah Khayr, Ruby Appo!

Much love sent your way, and thanks for dropping in to write back!