Thursday 10 February 2011

Unimportant Fool



One feels stifled and wonders untiringly so, over the ache that comes from not knowing where to belong; who to belong to. There remains only One constant through all the dries, through all the cries, there remains only One constant one can turn to and cry their angst to. There seems to be no place to call home, there seems to be no person who knows you. In fact, they seem to work like the mechanics of a clock, where in some parts work in desperate compliance while the single or more who dare to defy work under constant emotional abuse to end up in a heaped corner comprised of a wretched mix of perpetual defiance and miserable compliance for the sake of survival. Where does one go when there is a lack of means to get to anywhere but here? What does one do when there is only a lack of possibilities doable that exist? Who does one turn to when there is not a single soul that hears it without derision or insult instead of with patience or even a morsel of respect that it aches to be accorded. How does one fit in a slot when while trying to do so there are constant pins pricking it, drills drilling it, hammers hammering it, and voices vacillating it? What ever cords one manages to nourish, the fatigue amassed from such intense repeats manages to derail and disappoint. Useless, Worthless, Unimportant; one is left to feel. Finding that place and people to belong to exists as a wasted dream. Finding peace in a life away from this world's is all that seems important; is all that one aches for in one's now, inshaAllah...
Ameen!

2 comments:

Aj said...

Your post has definitely got me thinking and it is so very true. A branch of a tree enjoys two sides, one for the fact that it has a connection to the trunk, while the other that it has a connection to all the leaves that grow from it. What about the feeling of a branch that has been cut down? Disconnected.... Disjoint.... Disappointed

Hayaah said...

That analogy, beautiful as it was, left me even more depressed; one for the literal picture that it created in my mind of it, and another for the parallel it left me with akin to myself as I was seeing me as I wrote this down...

O_O

Thanx for dropping in... the mystery of your initials having arrived here from Singapore leaves me wondering if you are who I think you are, because if you are - then your words above and visit here mean even more to me than they would being from someone unknown.